Did you know that Dumbledore actually dies in book six?! I thought people were just joking.....I'm kidding, of course. But, I did finally finish the sixth Harry Potter book. I had postponed reading it 1) because I haven't had the time and 2) because I've wanted to wait for something new Harry Potter to happen (like the next movie or final book) so I don't have a huge boring gap of nothing. Well, I do not regret reading it now as it was quite good. Not as good as the fifth (my personal favorite), but still excellent nonetheless. Now all I have to do is wait for the final book and for Harry not to die *crosses fingers*. I do seriously wish I was a wizard. Learning spells, bewitching things to do my bidding, quidditch, the general 'having exceptional magical abilities' aspect of it all. I guess I'd still have to find a job though.
Speaking of jobs, I still don't have one. I know, you're shocked. I really do want a job, but my lack of useful experience has led me into a frustrating realization that I am qualified for absolutely nothing. And, having no experience at anything worthwhile, I am having to claw my way up just to even reach the bottom of the ladder. I'm not even sure what I want to do or can do. It's extremely difficult and kinda overwhelming when you have no definite direction in life (or, rather, infinite directions to choose from). Then, on top of that, there is always the fear of going in the wrong direction. And, when all these things (along with many other just as disheartening ideas in my life) come crashing together and keep me from sleeping at night, I just want to give up.

Thankfully, I am never allowed to give up. There is always a voice, whether a whisper or an enormous roar, that continually comforts me. Upon searching my all-knowing Oswald Chamber book, I found some verses and passages that I was meant to see in the midst of what I am in right now.

"When we realize how feeble we are in facing difficulties, the difficulties become like giants, we become like grasshoppers, and God seems to be nonexistent. But remember God's assurance to us - 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you' (Hebrews 13:5)."

I don't know how to say it better. What is said in that passage is life. We come to things that seem to overpower every aspect of our lives. The demons fill our heads and our hearts, making us to believe that we will never see the other side of our own conflict. They make us doubt ourselves, create false ideas for ourselves, and never let us see our true lives. But, God has control over everything. It's as simple as that. For me, I know my demons all too well: self-doubt, worry, jealousy, among many others. And I know, to rid myself of these things, I have to believe that God is truly in control. Therein lies the difficulty of faith. We just have to know. We have to believe with everything that we are that God is in control and knows what lies far and beyond the reach of what our own eyes can see. Believing is exponentially simple in concept, but I'm finding that it is, at times, rarely easy to fully achieve. I cannot see it now but, through all this difficulty, I somehow just know that I will look back on everything that is happening now, whether within or out of my control, whether things I want desperately or things I wish would not be, whether suspicions of what may be occurring or the reality of what has happened, or whether I was seated in happiness or struggling to feel anything at all, I will know that God was there, and it will be as easy as breathing to say, "My heavenly Father knew of this." And that will make learning how to live tomorrow all over again that much easier.

"Jesus said there are times when God cannot lift the darkness from you, but you should trust Him. At times God will appear like an unkind friend, but He is not; He will appear like an unnatural father, but He is not; He will appear like an unjust judge, but He is not. Keep the thought that the mind of God is behind all things strong and growing. Not even the smallest details of life happen unless God's will is behind it."

Mischief managed.